Mass Effect: Oblivion (Shepard and Tali romance)
by Galaxy fiction
Summary: Set during the events of Mass Effect 2, Shepard struggles to sleep and his nightmares and emotional damage only strain his body further with the unwelcome arrival of Renegade scars. As he tries to calm his emotional damage, he discovers a romance in Tali, which blossoms further as they grow closer before the Suicide Mission, which threatens to epilogue their romance and lives.
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares

Author notes: Hello everyone, this is where the Tali and Shepard story of love begins, a few days after her recruitment on Haestrom. look forward to your feedback everyone, and most of all enjoy! - David

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Rain fell from the swirling maelstrom above and doused my soaked hair, like little crystal tears that splatter on the tarmac below my cold body. I hug my knees to my torso and sob. Not sure if the tears on my face are salty beads from my eyes, or rain from the torrent roaring above.

My long hair leans over my forehead and puffy eyes. The huge safe walls of my sweet Alleyway where I was found hug me tight. This was the safest place to me in all of London, even more than home. The place a screaming crying baby was found by an in love couple fifteen years prior. I felt at peace and secluded here, my own little escape route from life.

"He's not my real dad..." I sniff and stutter. "He'll never be. He tries but he doesn't understand!" as if I'm trying to convince myself of this, even though I know it's not true. The argument with my conscience hits a sour note as I start having a nagging voice biting and tearing at the back of my brain.

_You selfish bastard, he has sacrificed everything for you, what have you sacrificed, huh? What are you prepared to sacrifice!_

My mind rings like a dull flash bang hit my eardrums. I shake my head, water dripping from my soaking hair. I sniff and choke for air over my tears. The low light of night surrounded and grasped its cold fingers over my torso. I shudder, when I hear a voice, shouting my name. It took me a full few minutes to understand it wasn't my mind. The amber light emitted from the street light illuminated the split in the alleyway, revealing the street. I got up, and slowly but cautiously headed to the beckoning call.

I ran my hand along the rough bumpy Alleyway wall, as if holding a parents hand for protection. As I neared the exit of the Alley, looking out onto the London Street, lined with landed Sky cars and even the occasional wheeled vehicle. Across the road was a man, wearing a crumpling, creased yellow waterproof jacket, a hand gripping at the hood to keep it up in the night-time maelstrom. He was crying my name

"David! We're sorry! Where are you, Please come home?" Dad shouted over the thunderous rain. The occasional flicker of lightning lit up my face. I looked into a puddle and saw my reflection. A big grin stretched from ear to ear, my conscience patting my back.

_See? Told you he loved you. Now go to him._

I simply jogged out, soaked to the skin and trembling in the cold.

_Time to go home if your tantrum is over, you selfish git._ I continued to shout at myself in my mind, numbing my Cerebrum. Either that or the cold. I leaned on the front of a cold, wet sky car, the cold slimy metal slipping under my palm. There he was in that ridiculous jacket of his. I loved him to pieces, but seriously it was two times too big for him, almost a krogan sized Jacket! I stood smiling and chuckling at him.

Time to go out and run into his big arms and beg for his forgiveness; I step out into the street and my smile is snatched from my teenage face. Two shadowy figures turn a corner and follow him, their shoulders bowling, looking increasingly aggressive. Hoods seclude their heads and a hand reaches into a long pocket.

I sprint out across the road, dancing on my feet to dodge cars and the occasional person. The yellow water proofed parent continues to obliviously call my name.

"Dad!" I cry, but thunder roars and drowns my voice in the torrent. I was a teenager, what could I do? Run in and save the day? This wasn't a movie and these guys were getting nearer.

A distinct metallic click sounded and the closest thug, held a reflective silver blade. I screamed and cried as my heart thumped and bellowed. I try to shout his name, but no sound would emit and every time I could finally pluck the nerves and emotion away, thunder would shout over me.

Suddenly the innocent man sees me, a smile on his face, only to taken from me as the blade swings and punctures his chest. His smile disintegrated and was replaced by a shocked, pain filled gasp. His eyes closed and tears steamed from their sides. I fell to my knees, screaming and crying. Then the blood soaked knife retracted and they ran with his wallet. I was left in the street looking at the man who saved my life, dying in the street and it was my entire fault!

I blinked and suddenly I was sat upright in my sweat soaked bed on the Normandy SR2. I could still hear the echoes of my cry.

"Dad!" reverberated off the walls. A cold sweat licked my skin and dripped from my forehead. I reached out to grasp at the air to regain my breathing and slow my thumping heartbeat. The soft humming of the ships drive core reverberated up my spine and even soothed me a little. I managed to swallow and steady my heart and breathing. I ran my fingers through my wet hair. I sighed and looked over to my left at the bedside table. The holo clock simply read four A.M.

A deep inhale is all I took before exhaling, a slight shake of my head and I throw the rippled covers off of me. Once you're up, you're up. Throwing my legs over the side of the bed and pressing my bare feet against the soothingly cold metal floor was what I needed, though not at four in the bloody morning; another sleepless night.

I stood up in the low light and decided on a shower to cool my skin. Then something hit me. A burning sensation I'd only just started to feel. Maybe my emotions had numbed my skin, I don't know. I pressed my palm against my jaw and it stung, like someone had put salt in a wound. I walked across the room towards the steps. My bare feet clapped against the floor, wearing nothing but boxers I made my way. The deep scars that ran the length of my chest ached too, but that always happened, I'd grown to accept it.

I walked by the display cabinet full of model ships. I gaze over at one of them in particular, the design of the dreadnought in silver metal. It calmed me slightly as I remembered the happy memories of my childhood. There weren't many, but enough to calm my ruptured emotions.

But I was brought to the present as my face stung harder. I winced in pain and walked over to the bathroom, the door humming open for me. As I approached the sink, I gazed at the metal bowl and ran the cold tap, splashing the water over my face. A slight hiss sounded from my sore cheek, which only enticed my curiosity...and panic.

I knew that if I simply looked up, I'd see it in the mirror, but I feared what I'd see. A deep sigh and the water dripping from my face and a small whisper of steam from my hot burning cheek made me slowly gaze up.

I looked like...well, shit. My hair was long on top and a thick beard was attached to my chin and ran up the sides to my hair. I never realized it before, but I'd stopped caring for myself. Stopped caring about how I looked and only focused on the physical, on the missions. My body was well built still; obviously it had to be for my job. But I'd just given up on keeping my beard in line and hair short. It's like when a garden gets overgrown from the vegetation. You just don't have time to tend to it.

Then I winced and looked to my cheek a slight red glow caught my attention, and scared me. I looked and leaned as I gazed on my cheek in the reflection. A deep long scar stretched along my face. I could see it still burning a line across my chin under the beard, dissolving the skin, lengthening the scar. The red glow illuminated from it. I winced as I touched it and hissed in the air though gritted teeth. After I jolted my hand and panicked slightly from this...visibly extending scar, I contacted EDI.

"EDI" I huffed, tilting my head to see this new addition to the collection, but something was wrong with it. Why would it glow red? Seconds later the blue fishbowl projection of her appeared, illuminating the room.

"Yes Shepard?" She asked in her soothing voice. I looked at the mirror, not even breaking contact to look at EDI.

"EDI, can you run a scan on my body, see what has caused...this?" I asked her as I gulped and watched the scar slowly cease growing, though it did open slightly wider revealing more of the glowing red interior.

"Causing what Shepard?" She asked me. It sort of threw me off guard, since she seemed to know everything. I turned my head to face the hologram. She never said a word, but simply began to run diagnostics of my body.

"Running tests, please standby" She hummed. I stood still, occasionally peering back to the mirror. This was no normal scar. I was still temped to poke at it, which only hurt it more. It sort of arched like an _L_ shape along my cheek, starting from my eyebrow and then curving around my jaw, stopping at my chin.

"Tests complete Shepard" she stated, like I'd asked what the weather was like.

"Let me have it" I sigh, fearing the worst. I rub my thick black beard, which aches to touch on the right which the scar bellows down.

"It would appear it is a negative reaction from your implanted tech" She answered. I fumble to find the words.

"What? How?" was all I could muster on the matter.

"Your emotional damage" She said, making me recoil, but damn it she was right "It would seem to have an effect on the tech. A negative outlook and your brain's thoughts may have triggered this reaction, like a rash"

"May?" I asked. She simply stared at me...I think.

"Yes Shepard, It is a theory at this time"

I though back to how I didn't have this scar yesterday, though my cheek was sore for some reason, now I know. Wait, my nightmares, could that be the cause?

"EDI. This is strictly between us right? Commander to A.I?" I ask her, though she saw it more as an order.

"Yes Shepard. If you wish no one else to know, I will honor it" She said. I gave a slight smile, only enough though for my own comfort.

"Thanks. Do you think this could have happened due to my nightmares?" I asked her, rubbing my rough shoulder.

"You're suffering from insomnia due to a stress related matter Shepard?" She asked.

"You could say that, yes. There's a reason I'm up at four EDI" I stated with a gentle under breath chuckle.

"Of course. I have run tests for a reaction like this due to emotional distress. It is a high factor and the most likely cause Shepard"

"Will it fade?" I ask, looking closer into the mirror. God it was a big old scar, and glowing red. That isn't normal. And being on the face didn't help to hide it.

"If your negative outlook improves and nightmares as you call them stop. It is possible that the less emotional stress on your implants will heal the scars, but this is a hypothesis"

"Thank you EDI. I appreciate it" I said to her. She simply hovered looking at me.

"Of course Shepard, I have contacted a female Krogan for you, as they like scars and you require a mate" She said in the same voice as all her previous statements. I looked at her, raised eyebrow.

"That was a joke" She stated again. I nodded at her. "Thanks?" she then dissipated and the blue illumination vanished from the bathroom. I shook my head, with a slight laugh, only making the scar sting more.

"Right...shower time" I told myself. I found talking to myself seemed like the only way to deal with some things. When you meet some of the idiots on the Citadel, you find a more sensible conversation in yourself. I ran my fingers through my greasy hair and sweat stained forehead.

I remember that damned Volus on the Citadel, having a right go at a young Quarian girl because she "Stole his credit chit" Unbelievable that even the C-Sec guy was on at her too. Just glad I could hold Tali back; she looked ready to rip his head off his short, round shoulders.

I chuckled to myself. It's good to have her back. Wish she could have joined me on Freedoms progress, but at least she's here now. Needed a friendly face, and Garrus's is all torn up. I suddenly sighed. Garrus will no doubt enjoy having a pop at me, for all the scar jokes I made at him. Well what goes around comes around. I love those two. Only close friends I have, been with me through it all.

I stood tall and looked in the mirror for a final time. The scar illuminated bright red and another small cut had formed on my other cheek and forehead, luckily they had calmed in fierce pain and stopped growing...for now. Not going to lie that was a terrifying thing to wake up to, but at least I have a theory on what's causing it...cheers EDI.

I dropped my boxers and made my way over to the shower, stepping inside. The water rattled up the pipe and hit me, hard. Like a wall of ice slamming against your face and chest. I shuddered and huffed as it clawed at the skin. But a cold shower was what I needed to cool my skin...and thoughts. I'm so sorry Pa...and Ma. I'll make you proud I swear. We'll stop these Collectors. I'm a Shepard, like you. even though you aren't my blood relatives, damn it you raised me, gave me a home. you are my beloved family, and I will always wear your name.

I ran my fingers through my hair as my skin acclimatized to the freezing water. Erected Goosebumps lathered my skin and a hissing came from my right cheek. It was odd feeling steam rising from the scar as water evaporated on contact. Obviously those implants weren't happy with my mental instability.

I finished the cleansing shower and rubbed my face before twisting the knob, killing the water. I huffed through my mouth and walked over to the towel rack, grabbing the closest one. Same thing I'd do with clothes. Whatever was on top would do for the day. God knows what I was going to do for about five hours till everyone was up. Maybe go and see if Tali's up. Have a catch up. Why's she on my mind so much?

I finished toweling off and after gently dabbing my face dry and rubbing the water from my beard and hair; I threw the towel to the hamper and grabbed my boxers form the floor. I stuck them back on and began brushing my teeth over the sink, the white foam forming around the lips. My eyes were still fixed on the newly formed scars, glowing red. I spat the foam and rinsed my mouth and brush, before dropping the brush on the side and making my way out into the cabin. I simply stood for a moment, taking it in.

I was captain of a ship. Dad would be proud, but I need to keep working hard. Need to keep making him proud. It's the least I can do for him. Love you Pa. No, I need to stop dwelling, at least for now otherwise the scars will get worse.

I made my way down the steps and looked for clothes. All there was lying around were my tracksuit jogging bottoms in grey, a black vest and a black N7 Hoodie. My comfort clothes sounded good at four thirty in the morning. I grabbed the bottoms and slung them on the unmade bed. I looked at it and chuckled. Idiot stood chuckling to himself.

"Ma, you'd go mental If my bed weren't made" I immediately moved around the bed and began tucking and flattening the creases. After several moments of tucking, it was done. Not immaculate but done. I sighed and looked up at the glass rectangle ceiling, looking out onto space as it whizzed by.

"Wish you could see this ma. I miss you so much" I muster, just able to swallow over the lump in my throat. I shook my head "I need to get out of this room" I decide, grabbing the bottoms and slinging them over my legs and boxers. Yes I know, same boxers two day running, but at this point I don't care. A quick dash of deodorant under my arms and pulling the tight vest over my broad shoulders, I shrugged my shoulders and touched at my abs where the scars from my time in prison reigned. It was so odd that I still had them after Cerberus rebuilt me. Maybe they chose to keep them, or that was all that was intact, I don't know; might have to ask Miranda about it.

I grabbed my Hoodie and slung it over my arms and zipped up the front. It was nice and comfortably warm. I gave a long yawn and looked at the clock. Four thirty five in the morning. Another sleepless nightmare endured night. I found my white running trainers kicked over the floor.

One foot in it and pressed the front against the wall to shimmy my foot inside, same with the other as I had no intention of removing my hands from my pockets. I turned and headed out of the Cabin, the door sliding open and welcoming my exit. I felt a slight relief from leaving the Cabin, then hit with the unknown of what to do at four in the morning.

I filed into the awaiting elevator and moaned as I had to remove my hand to activate it. Honestly you'd think I'd had a hangover. Nope, just tired and lazy. The door's beeped shut and I was left in the elevator as it slowly descended to the crew deck, bypassing the CIC, couldn't do with Chambers giving me a hundred and one things to do this early. I took a hand from my pocket and stroked the beard. I must admit I was quite proud of it, even if I did look like a homeless man. I'd managed to style my hair slightly, just flicking up the fringe and ruffling it. It'll do for four in the goddamn morning.


	2. Chapter 2: A friendly chat

The door beeped and slid open. I stepped into the quiet room and turned the corner past the crew quarters, revealing the mess hall and the med bay. I looked across the room at the bay and saw Karin asleep at her computer, slumped in the chair. Bless her; she works too hard, usually stitching me up. I gave a gentle chuckle and walked across the mess hall. No one was up, only me by the look of it. I saw Gardner's kitchen area and decided I needed something to drink.

After a gentle puff of air through my lips and the scuffing of my trainers, I reached the sink and grabbed a glass from the side. I rubbed the bridge of my nose from exhaustion as I held the glass under the tap. Taking my palm from my nose and to the tap knob felt like a long effort, but so does everything when you've had less than four hours sleep in three days.

I felt cold water trickling over my hand and saw I'd forgotten to turn the tap off, overflowing the glass.

"Ah shit" Was all my tired mouth could muster, turning the tap off and placing the glass on the counter. A few quick flicks of my wrist, and it was more damp than soaked. I wiped the rest on my Hoodie, before grabbing the glass of crystal cold water.

After grabbing a seat in the empty mess hall, I sat the glass down after a relieving swig and opened my Omni tool. Might as well look through my messages, see what someone wants. A thorough scrolls through the same old shit and I reached something that raised an eyebrow, a message from Tali?

I opened it and read it, smiling at it.

_Hey Shepard, I wanted to thank you for letting me join you on the Normandy. It's nice to be back, and to see you again, even if you do look exhausted. Make sure too come up for air Shepard, okay? I'm always here if you need a chat, same with Garrus._

_-Tali_

I smiled at her message and felt a warm sensation in my chest. I immediately panic, pulling the Hoodie zipper down and checking the skin for a possible scar...but nothing. It was a feeling in my chest...my heart. I zipped the jacket back up and calmed myself, touching my cheek to check if the scar was still there. It certainly was and very obvious. I felt the skin and how the gap between skin and scar was burning hot. It was rough, and frightening how my feelings had caused such a physical reaction.

I sighed and raised my glass to my lips, the cold liquid tickling my sore throat. I lowered it as I swallowed and began typing my response.

_Hey Tali, Thank you, I really appreciate it and I'm so glad to have you back. Need a friendly face besides Garrus, since his looks like Varren meat. We'll have to catch up sometime, whenever you're available._

_-David _

I looked at the message and grinned, before succumbing to a heavy yawn. I sent it to her, totally unaware of the time.

"Ah crap" I snarled, slamming my palm against my head, praying she doesn't wake up from my late messaging. Or is it early? I don't know all I know is I failed to think.

After a few minutes of self loathing, I shut down the Omni tool and just sit there, holding the glass and staring at the wall. I swirled and twisted the glass through my fingers, finding it soothing.

I snap out of my gaze as I hear a door slide open. I turn in my seat and see the friendly sight of an exhausted, yawning Garrus exiting the Main Battery. He stretched his arms out as wide as he could and his mandibles were split apart as he yawned. He clapped his tongue against the top of his mouth and scratched the back of his armor, hunched over. He didn't even notice or acknowledge me, just made his way to the fridge. I chuckled quietly as I watched him, leaning into the open fridge and patting his fingers on the roof of the door.

He reached inside, the sound of glasses clanking as he got something. He retreated back and was holding some sort of coffee in a dextro labelled glass. He stood up and shut the fridge with a thump. The exhausted Turian I had grown to call my best friend placed the glass on the heating unit for Coffee. As he waited for it to boil, he scratched at his scars on his face, itching under the bandage.

"Morning Garrus" I groan across the room, startling him slightly, only to settle again when he saw it was me.

"Morning Shepard, another sleepless night?" He asked me. I simply nodded and placed my glass on the table.

"Yeah you could say that" I grumbled to him, rolling my shoulder blades. He lets out a small chuckle under his breath. Garrus looked back as the coffee boils and the heater deactivates. He grasps the mug like handle on the side of the glass, specially shaped for Turian mouths, since lips were a luxury he didn't have.

He began walking over to me, still in his scorched and scarred blue armor, the golden Archangel logo shimmering on his bicep. He sat opposite me with a groan. The glass clinked against the table and he rubbed his eye, avoiding the one covered by his visor.

When his palm lowered he saw me chuckling at him. I shake my head before I sip my water.

"What?" He asked, looked at me with a raised eyebrow, well what seemed like an eyebrow.

"Nothing, just glad to see you suffering with insomnia too" I chuckled to him with a croak in my voice. He scoffed and smirked, sipping his dextro coffee.

"Well, I have an erratic sleep schedule. What's your excuse?" He asked me, putting the glass down and crossing his arms on the table. I shrugged, leaning my head on my right palm, covering my scar. It stung to touch but I covered it never the less.

"More nightmares Garrus; I'm...having real trouble sleeping at all" I explain to him with a sigh and a frown. He nods, totally understanding.

"Still huh? Anything you haven't already told me?" He asked. Back on the SR1 I talked to him about my family, and ultimately its fate. He was very understanding and listened to my heart wrenching story. Maybe that was what drew us together as friends, I don't know. once again I shrug, cheek in palm, elbow lent on table.

"The same...replays of the night Pa died" I said to him. He sighed and shook his head gently.

"Spirits Dave, I'm sorry. You okay beside that?" He asked, sipping the coffee.

"Not really. feeling lonely, you know? I've woken up alone all my life...but now. I don't know, maybe knowing there a suicide mission ahead has made me want something" I explain to him. He knows I've never been good with the ladies. Garrus smiles.

"Yeah? well maybe I can set you up with someone. How about Jack?" He stifled a laugh. So did I, gulping down some more water from the glass in my left hand, right in firm place as cheek support.

"Yeah, good call. Hook up with the insane biotic. sounds like suicide Garrus"

"we're going to storm a collector base with a small team, _that's_ suicide" Garrus nods to me.

"Yeah but having it on with Jack? that's sheer Oblivion" I laugh, along with him. My cheek was burning, but I ignored it, enjoying the chat with Garrus.

"Well what about Miranda...that butt?" Garrus winked, not really understanding human attraction to that area...but then he is a Turian. Turians seem to lack a backside at all. I chuckled and considered Miranda, before snapping back.

"Nah, never. She's too...I don't know, bitchy"

"Hey you don't need her to talk" Garrus cackled, surprising me.

"Fair point mate, but nah" I refuse his offer, as if he had her lined up behind a wall, waiting for me.

"Well that leaves Tali, Kasumi and Samara, the Quarian Engineer, the thief or Asari Justicar?" He was just toying with me now.

"Garrus, I don't care about the physical. I want something deep, you know? Someone to cuddle with before I go off on a suicide run. if something happens while we're together, great. If not, I'll live with it like always" I sat there, waiting for his onslaught of banter, denying sex for a god damn cuddle, but it never came. He nodded.

"I can respect that Shepard, you want a deep connection before heading into the unknown Oblivion" He summed it up perfectly. I nodded, pointing at him with my left.

"Yes! exactly"

"So who, out of them...who? Kasumi?" Garrus sipped his coffee, eyes on me.

"I don't know. Not Kasumi, she's like a little sister to me, plus she's devoted to poor Keiji" Garrus nodded as he swallowed the coffee.

"Well who? Tali?" He asked. I shuddered at the warm spot growing in my heart and thoughts of her raced along my cerebrum. His eyes widened as he looked at my reaction.

"Oh Spirits it is isn't it? You like Tali!" He shouted in shock. I shushed him as if kids at school discussing crushes.

"Shush! Yeah okay, I guess I've got a crush on her, but she is really cute, and really sexy" I said. Garrus looked at me as if I had a cupid arrow stuck in my ass and cartoon hearts in my eyes.

"You had a crush on her on the SR1 too, didn't you? You ignored Ash and Liara's advances, well-played, you almost had to step over them" That made me laugh, and very true...but I wasn't interested in them.

"Yeah they were weren't they? Nah Tali's different...But she'd never be interested in me" I decided. Garrus scoffed in disapproval.

"Don't be silly, she adores you man" Garrus said. That was something that made me lift my head up from my palm.

"Really? How so?"

"Shepard, she always speaks about you, hell that's all she talks about, just ask Kasumi!" Garrus told me, making me feel really warm inside and a flurry of butterflies swirl in my stomach. could my dream girl really want me? I shook my head, I can't focus on that, no matter how much I want to.

"I can't, I need to try and get some proper sleep before I try talking to her about it" I said to Garrus "Don't want to make a mistake"

"You spoken to Mordin or Chakwas, maybe get some pills or something?" He asked me, before looking and noticing my cheek. "Whoa, Shepard, what's up with the gnarly glowing scar?" he pointed to his face as if to either comfort me that I'm not alone or use it as an example.

"Oh, apparently my lack of sleep and emotional damage has put a heavy toll on my Cerberus implants. They've started rejecting parts or something...causing this" I explained, pointing above the beard at it. Garrus took a deep look at it.

"It looks bad Shepard, you getting it looked at?" He asked me, the concerned best friend that he is. I swirl my finger over the rim of the glass and look up at him, stroking my thick black mustache a few times before I shake my head in a you're-not-serious expression.

"No, It'll be fine" I gave my last word. He surrendered the argument, arms raised. He lowered them to his glass and gripped the handle as he sneakily gazed up at the scar, trying to understand how or why it was glowing so red.

"Shepard, come on. You don't have to be a hard ass in front of me, just get Miranda to see it"

"Garrus come man, just leave it" I started to feel a fury, biting behind my eyes. He saw my fist tightening. I could hear a loud thumping and hissing in my eardrums. He raised his head with an idea. He continued to question several times, despite my attempts to change the subject.

"Shepard you should seriously-"

"Garrus! I said back off!" I roared at him, slamming my fist into the table. His plan worked. He sat unmoved looking at me. I looked down from him at the table and my blurry reflection as it gazed back. The scar grew brighter red and as my iris' illuminated red with my rage. As I calmed, the glowing dissipated to a low red hum and the hissing in my ears died. The scar that was slowly growing from a small cut on my left cheek extended slightly from my rage. I winced and touched it; my iris' turning back to their dark brownish green state. I looked up at Garrus and he was just sat their staring at me, knowing he was right.

"See? You never snap that easily. David, this is the start of a slippery slope. You need to get this looked at properly, before they get too bad" He said to me before swigging back the last of his coffee. I just sat there, staring at the table as the scar stopped growing. I looked at the fist imprint in the metal table. I just shouted at my best friend...what's happening to me?

"I err...I need to go" I stuttered, clambering to my feet and backing away from the table, still staring at it, and Garrus.

I don't understand how I could just snap like that, I have never snapped at Garrus...never. He's like family. He watched me get up and stumbled from the table.

"Shepard? Where are you going?" He beckoned after me. I just kept walking towards Miranda's office. I needed answers, no matter how early it was. Garrus stood up with a groan as he took his empty coffee cup to the sink and made his way to Miranda's door where I was.

I slammed my fist against it several times, beckoning her to awake."Miranda, I need some answers!" I had no idea where this new aggression was coming from, and it scared me.

"One second, Christ" I heard a tired voice yawn from inside as it neared the door. I stood, tapping my foot. Garrus walked over, standing as support for me. The door beeped and the red lock turned green. The door opened and Miranda stood with ruffled hair, and a blanket wrapped around her. Her tired eyes widened.

"Want to explain this?" I asked her, pointing to my face. I wasn't angry at her...I think. I just wanted a definite answer about what the hell was going on! EDI gave me a theory, not the answer. She sighed and opened her palm, beckoning me to come in. I walked into her office, Garrus followed. Don't know why, maybe just being a supportive friend, or curious like me.

...

"So...what is it?" Garrus and I gave her a moment to throw on a dressing robe. I had calmed down from my recent outburst. Miranda returned, sighing and looking at my face. the stern look wasn't what she was observing. the growing scars were her concern. She went to her desk and sat at her computer.

She was tapping away at her computer, had been for a few minutes now. She sat in the white Cerberus robe and looked over at me.

"How long has this been affecting you? I don't remember seeing it yesterday" She asked me. She was right.

"I woke up around four and my face was burning. I went over to the bathroom and saw...well this" I explained to her, pointing to my face. Garrus sat opposite me on one of her chairs. He occasionally glanced at me to check I was alright. He wouldn't say it but he was. Miranda rubbed her chin, trying to understand.

"That's all? Nothing else happened? it doesn't make sense" I knew that I had to tell her the truth. Maybe why I woke up like I did could help...here we go.

"Well I woke up abruptly...I...I had a Nightmare" I stuttered, trying to mask my embarrassment. She clicked her fingers, eyes wide.

"Well that helps! Okay if I'm right, which I am most of the time-"

"Get to the point Miranda" I snarled, sick of her perfect genes.

"It would seem to be a side effect to the implants and tech we used in you. They weren't designed to deal with that sort of stress. Your mind is having a nightmare and the only way the tech can vent this bodily stress is to tear the skin and scar it, reason for it glowing" She explained. I raised an eyebrow.

"That doesn't sound like the sort of stuff you stick in someone Lawson!" I shouted at her, once again another outburst that really didn't feel like me.

"There see! Your negative outlook is affecting the tech and it's having trouble coping with the stress, causing the scarring, like a rash" She explained, ignoring my outburst.

"So how does it get fixed?" Garrus asked, leaning forward. Miranda tapped at her computer some more, opening some files and scrolling through pages and pages of letters and numbers.

"So far the only thing we can do is get you to calm down and try to mentally lower your stress levels. Relax, take a breath and just go to a happy place if you're getting stressed. I'll work on something with Chakwas to correct the facial damage. Don't worry Shepard, you'll be alright" She smiled.

"Thanks Miranda. Sorry for waking you like I did...I was scared" I told her. She nodded and smiled, taking it rather well. Maybe our time together on this ship had mellowed her, or I'd started to accept her...though helping her relocate her sister must have earned some points. I looked up at Garrus with a nod.

"Thanks Garrus. I needed a buddy this morning...and here you are" I smirk. Garrus stood up to leave as well.

"No problem Shepard, just go easy. Can't have you dying from this before our little suicide mission" He joked.

"Trying to cut down on the stress here mate" I chuckled. He pats my back and nodded to Miranda.

"Anyways, I've got calibrations to attend to. They aren't going to do themselves and your Thanix upgrades need fitting" He stated with a groan, not surprising Miranda and I in the slightest.

"Shocker" I chuckle. I started to feel slightly at peace. Garrus scoffed as his mandibles clicked.

"Glad to see you calm down a bit. Take care Shepard. You'll be alright without me?" He asked. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Garrus, you're being overprotective. I'll be fine you big dolt" I insulted, knowing he'll no doubt take it on the chin and return the fire.

"Yeah...he's back to normal. See you later" He laughed as he left the room. He leaned back around the corner.

"Welcome to the ruined face club" He winked and laughed. I shook my head with a lip snarl. I knew he'd make some scar related joke. I suddenly remembered something, eyes widening. I called out after him.

"Hey Garrus!" His head reappeared around the door frame. "You let me know when you find that traitor Sidonis" I winked to him, making him know I would do whatever I could for him...my buddy. He smiled.

"Of course...Thanks Shepard. Scar bros for life" He still managed to get in an insult. I shook it off with a smirk as he vanished.

Miranda let out a chuckle, before yawning and stretching. "Now can I go back to bed Shepard? I have loads to do in a few hours" I nodded, walking out.

"Thanks Miranda..." I said just before the door shut and locked. I stood there looking at the metallic door, inches from my nose. "...For the help" I shook my head, and walked away. I had to find something to keep me occupied now. I shrugged and ran my hands into my Hoodie pockets.

After walking around the mess hall for a few minutes and yawning till my eyes shut tight, my Omni tool beeped. I raised an eyebrow and checked my wrist. The tool appeared and I scanned my eyes over the new message. It's from Tali?

_Shepard? What are you doing up this early? I'm up if you want to come by. Just on my own running engine repairs to the drive core. See you in a bit?_

_-Tali_

I chuckled to myself. Yes, something to do. And it's Tali as well. Nice to catch up with her and that warm feeling is back, hope Garrus is telling the truth about her...I really do, but that can wait.

I head to the elevator, walking to the open door. I step inside the block of metal and await it to take me to engineering. Best thing about being up this early? No one uses the elevator. It's all mine.


	3. Chapter 3: A catch-up with Tali

...

I arrived at the engineering level, a smile formed from ear to ear, and I don't know why. Luckily no one was up to see it. I could do without being referred to as _goofy grin Commander._ I shook it off and walked past the stairs leading to Jack's cave. The dark room below the stairs was quiet...and frightening, knowing we were harboring a dangerous criminal down there. But Jack was alright. Wouldn't want to be on her bad side, but she's a good, misunderstood girl.

I entered the engine area. The hum of the drive core was comforting and soothing. I wondered something I hadn't before. Where does Tali sleep? I mean she used to love the sounds of the engine on the SR1, in fact she had trouble sleeping in the quiet bless her. My thoughts shattered like shivering glass, as I turned and heard a loud crash followed by a loud female voice shouting "You Bosh'tet!"

I walked around the engine and saw her at her usual terminal, crouched down, picking up metal plating from the floor and tucking wires inside the console. Gabby and Ken were nowhere to be seen; only Tali was here.

I stood and watched her for a bit. The way her body curved in all the perfect places. Her hips, her back, her chest. Then her voice. I could hear her muttering something in ancient Keelish. It was a calming voice that soothed my eardrums. Wait, what? Why am I thinking this stuff? I mean yeah I had a crush on her during the Saren hunt, but I thought I got over that. Suddenly she said my name, catching my attention.

"Shepard!" She greeted, putting the last panel in place. She stood up, revealing the way her body shaped. Her purple cloth wraps only helped compliment her body as they coiled around her hips and thighs. Her purple fogged mask staring at me and her hood draped over her head.

"Hey Tali! How are you?" I ask her. She walks over to me, offering a hug. I of course accept and hug her. It's funny, we act like we haven't seen each other in years, but in truth it was a few hours. Though there was always someone with us, this was the first time since the Saren hunt that it'd been me and her, like our old talks in engineering. I felt such a peaceful warm feeling in my heart. I didn't want to let go, but I did.

As we parted, she gasped, hands covering the bottom of her mask, the same place her mouth was. "Keelah Shepard! Your face" she said, looking at my glowing scars.

"Yeah I know. It's better now though" I smile.

"What...how?" she could just about muster as she observed.

"Something to do with my emotions damaging my tech, caused this like a rash" I explained, pointing to my face. She giggled slightly.

"Well I think their...attractive, they suit you" She tried to comfort me.

"Nice try"

"No I'm serious. Whoever Mrs. Shepard is, she's a lucky girl" she said, hands on hips. I huffed as I rolled my eyes.

"There's no Mrs Shepard" I said, walking by her and looking at the Drive core. She looked over her shoulder at me.

"Really?"

"Really, why so surprised?" I chuckle, crossing my arms and looking at her. She clears her throat and drops her head.

"Oh, no reason just making conversation; so, why are you up this early?" she asked me, head rising again. I shrugged, leaning against the railing.

"Couldn't sleep Tal, I...I never sleep" I sigh, caressing the bridge of my nose. She leans against the railing next to me. I can feel her warmth as she's literally inches from me. She crosses her feet over in front of her on the ground and steadies herself on the rail with her hands. I play with mine, scratching at them, small cuts forming on them, glowing like my face. I try to ignore this...deterioration best I can.

"Why not?" She asks sweetly. I look at her.

"Nightmares" I simply stated. It was all I needed to say. She nodded.

"Anything you feel like sharing?" She asked, her voice dripping with comfort. I stood thinking about it. Hell, I was very close to Tali, and I'd told Garrus about my nightmares. I trust my life with her...okay, here I go.

"Well...okay, I can tell you" I said to her. "It was a nightmare of...it was a replay of the night my dad was killed" I could see her eyes pop wide inside the purple haze. "Keelah David, I'm so sorry" she comforted.

"He erm...He was attacked in the street. Stabbed by a group of thugs...all for his fucking money" I said to her as I swallowed over the lump in my throat. I suddenly felt a hand stroking my arm. Her environmental suit was nothing like I imagined. It had a sort of velvet feel with the slight roughness and texture of leather. It soothed my body and dissolved the lump in my throat.

"Thank you Tali. I erm...I sat there, holding my Pa in my arms...The ambulance came, but he later died in Hospital" I had now told the only female that I trusted my life with about my father's demise, But what I did to the thugs and my decent into chaos can go untold for now.

"Do you...do you mind if we change the subject?" I asked her as she ceased stroking my arm as comfort.

"Sure. And thank you" She whispered. I raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you, for what?" I ask her as I lean against the railing.

"For sharing that with me, I appreciate you trusting me this much" I smile and rubbed her shoulder.

"No problem Tal, now what about the great Tali'Zorah, what has you up?" I ask, looking at her and lowering my hand. I looked past her mask best I could at her bright eyes. She shrugged and nodded towards the drive core in front of us across the room.

"It's not going to upgrade itself, plus I'm having trouble getting use to the different levels of noise on this ship"

"Same troubles as the SR1, huh?" I asked her. She seemed surprised as her head jerked up and turned in my direction.

"I can't believe you remember that! Do you remember all of our conversations?" She asked me.

"Not much" I shrug "I remember you having trouble with your pilgrimage. But that's about it, after stopping Saren there's a blank, must have been from the day the SR1 was destroyed" I said it like it happens to me all the time, dying.

"Keelah Shepard, I remember that day. The day I found out you were dead. I must have cried for hours" She said, slumping to the floor and hugging her knees. I followed, sitting beside her as we looked down the walkway to the humming blue core. I could feel my skin cool and the itching of scars slowly growing cease. Maybe it was the blue light from the core calming me, maybe it was her. All I know is my skin was soothed and I felt less aggressive.

"You cried for me?" I asked, surprised to have anyone care about me that much. Cerberus resurrected me, but only cause I could fight, not because they cared about me. Tali looked at me with a soft giggle, and a shove to my shoulder that made me tilt slightly.

"Of course you Bosh'tet, It was like losing a family member, a loved one" I chuckled slightly at her remark as I also hugged my knees.

"Well that means a great deal Tal, thanks"

"Keelah se'lai, Shepard"

"Yeah...Keelah se'lai" I smile to her. After a few seconds that felt like minutes of staring at each other past. I cleared my throat and climbed to my feet, followed by Tali.

"I err; I'll speak to you later Tali. Thanks for cheering me up...I needed it"

"Anytime Shepard" she nodded, turning and heading to her terminal.

I took a second to watch her go and decided to head up and start working on something. It was now half five and I had to do something, though that thought disintegrated when my stomach rumbled and growled.

"Hey err Tali!" I shout to her. Her hooded head lifts and looks over at me in the doorway. "You up for breakfast?" I ask, pointing to the elevator. Might as well have a friend to chat with.

"Eh, the upgrades can wait a little longer, yeah let's go get some Breakfast" She agrees, swatting her hand at the terminal and walking with me past Jack's lair and Zaeed's cabin. The elevator had been called to a different floor, obviously proving that people were slowly stirring. I pressed the call button and stood with Tali, hands in pockets and exhaling through my lips in a huff. She looks at me with a tilted head to the left, as if questioning something. I crease an eyebrow and gaze back with a shoulder shrug.

"What?" I inquire as she looks over my head slung between raised shoulders and hands deep in pockets.

"Nothing...you need a shave" She added to her statement, looking at the elevator door, awaiting its arrival. I laugh out loud in a sarcastic _Ha-Ha-Ha._

"I've worked hard on this. You know how hard it is to do nothing about it and look like shit?" I sarcastically smiled. "Besides I don't know what you look like, for all I know there's a beard in there too" Her eye burst wide with silver color inside the purple haze. A playful shove and a laugh later, she completes it by simply gasping "Bosh'tet"

Got her good with that one. She's a great girl though, knows exactly how to take a bit of banter and laugh it off, that's what friends do. What am I saying she isn't a girl anymore...she's a woman.

The elevator arrived with a ding and the door opened, revealing the interior. Inside was a single figure. The slim female figure stepped out, plastered with tattoos. It was Jack. I wasn't surprised that she would be up this early, what surprised and scared me is what she was doing on another floor.

"Jack" I nodded, worried she may have killed Miranda.

"Let me see your hands" I said in a stern voice. Jack raised an eyebrow and lifted them.

"Why the fuck do you want to see my hands Shepard?" she snarled.

"Just checking for Miranda's blood" I smirk. Jack laughed, she actually laughed, which threw me and Tali off.

"Good one Shepard, see you later" She said, punching my arm and walking past. I let her leave and as soon as she was out of sight, I rubbed the arm she'd damaged. I looked at Tali, who was giggling very quietly.

"Don't laugh" I ordered her. She shook her head.

"Oh I'm not" She managed to say while stifling her laughter.

"I can see your shoulders bobbing Tal" I chuckle as I walk into the awaiting elevator, accompanied by my loyal Engineer...who was still laughing as the door shut. God, I loved her laugh, it was like sweet nectar to my hungry ears.

I stood and shrugged my shoulders, cracked my neck from left to right and replaced them in my pockets. I stared at the door while Tali finished her chuckle.

"That was funny Shepard. Sorry" She said. I shook my head with a sarcastic cackle.

"Laugh it up Tali"

"Don't worry. Get some breakfast in you, you'll be back to normal" She said as she crossed her arms, growing inpatient of the slow as hell elevator. But sooner or later, we arrived at the crew deck.


	4. Chapter 4: Breakfast and Retribution

Tali walked out first as the doors parted and the sounds of slight chatter gave me solace. Hopefully it was evidence that the day could start soon. I hate waking up early. As we rounded the corner, a wafting smell of cooking meat and the sound of hissing and sizzling raced up my nostrils. As Tali and I saw the mess hall, several crewmen and women were sat talking quietly and eating their breakfast. The ship was beginning to stir. Even Gardner was up! Yes, this meant cooked food and not those damn processed nutrient bars, happy days.

The sight of Rupert flipping over a large leg of meat on the grill with his tongs made me chuckle to myself. Every time he pressed the tongs down on the succulent meat it spat juices and hissed. Tali looked at Rupert as he saw us.

"Ah, Commander top of the morning, what can I do for you?" He asked in his upbeat tone of voice, though he probably wasn't. I looked over his supplies. Looks like when we were at the Citadel the other day, He stocked up on necessities...that being food I can actually process.

"Erm...oh Rupert you would seriously cheer up my morning by making me Bacon and eggs" I salivated as I saw he had them stacked up next to him in plastic wrappers and cartons. He chuckled.

"Oh course. What about you Miss vas...erm" He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment with his free hand.

"Vas Neema" Tali corrected. I stifled a chuckle. "I'll have...erm ooh can you make me that dextro morning soup stuff I had yesterday? It was nice" Tali said, struggling to find the name she was looking for.

"Morning soup stuff?" I ask to anyone listening. Rupert laughed.

"You mean Porridge? Yes of course Tali. Give me a few minutes and I'll start cooking for you Shepard, and I'll make your porridge too" Tali and I simultaneous thanked him and walked to a table. There was one totally empty, only five or six crewmen were up, and were all sat on a different table. I tried so hard to keep my laughter at bay.

"Morning soup stuff?" I quoted her as we sat opposite one another.

"That isn't funny, my mind drew a blank" She huffed.

"It was a little funny"

"Okay we're even" She said to me uncrossing her angered arms and placing them on the table.

"Deal...so Tali, it's been two years since we've had a proper conversation, you seeing anyone in the Migrant fleet?" I asked her, praying and heart thumping for a no. She thankfully shook her head.

"Nope" she said so simplistically. I shrugged.

"What about that Kal'Reeger, he was a pretty cool guy, protective of you" she shook her head once more, god she was harder to read than I thought.

"He's great...but he always calls me Ma'am. I am not a Ma'am" she said, gesturing with her hands. "Plus I think he sees me as more of a little sister, which is great...not really interested in anyone from the fleet"

"How's that going, you know the fleet. Last time I saw you, before Freedom's Progress...I think you were off to return to them... you know finish your pilgrimage?" I asked, leaning on my crossed arms. "How'd that go?"

Tali laughed under her breath. "Well I returned and gave them the Geth data you helped me get as my gift. They were very thankful and accepted it. I never thanked you for that. Thank you" she said with what sounded like a sincere smile under that mask.

"You're very welcome" I chuckle.

"Plus I helped kill Sovereign and Saren. That earned me some points" She chuckled, shrugging, like killing a Reaper is something you can do between lunch and dinner.

"Yeah...thought that would help" I scoffed. "Right, I'm going to get a drink, you want anything?" I said standing up.

"Err, oh dextro fruit juice please, the blue container in the fridge."

"Tali, I killed Saren and a Reaper. I think I can find a container" I said smugly. She raised her hands in surrender as I walked over to the fridge. That lump of meat Rupert was cooking was now sat on a plate, waiting for someone. I retrieved my morning orange juice and found the container, after a few minutes of searching, praying I wouldn't have to look a fool and ask her where. As I pulled them from the fridge's jaw, I slammed it shut and began pouring them into two awaiting glasses.

Rupert was busy laying my strips of bacon down on the grill. A hissing crackle each time they stretched out on the hot metal.

It felt nice to not have everyone stare at my scar, wait is it still there? After a thorough feel of my face, it was...and very large still. I put the expelled carton in the trash, throwing it like a basketball. It dunked into the bin and I celebrated quietly with a fist pump, which Tali saw. I watched her giggle, covering her mask with both her hands. She is so damn cute...no, stop. Don't ruin a good thing, that's what happened with the last female friend I had. God that was a horrible school day, the bully thrived off me on that one.

I put her container back in the fridge door and shut it, walking over to our table of two with the glasses. I luckily remembered her straw that is kept in the top shelf next to Garrus's wound medicating pills.

She watched me sit down after resting both the glasses on the table. I swung my legs over the bench and faced her.

"So where does that straw connect exactly?" I had to ask, even Garrus was curious, everyone was.

"Emergency induction port under the filter" She lifted her chin and pointed to the slot. "See?"

"Ah...clever" I approved as I sipped the orange juice. I loved it. The thick little chunks of fruity pulp. I may be the only man on this ship, no alive who likes pulp. Ah well, more juice for me.

Tali inserted the straw and I watched the blue drink slowly descend up the straw. She quenched her thirst and pulled the straw out. "My turn for questions" She said to me. I just sat there, ready to take the brunt of the interrogation.

"Go for it" I welcomed.

"Is it just me or is Garrus...different? I mean have you noticed?" she asked. I did think about it. How he was more aggressive, violent...and distant. I still had my chats with him but other than that, he was always calibrating.

"Yeah Tal, I noticed too. He seems a lot darker that's for sure" she nodded as I continued. "But he lost his entire squad on Omega to a traitor. I promised him that I would do whatever I could to help him get Sidonis"

"You're a good friend Shepard" she complimented me.

"Hey Tali" I said to get her to look at me. "If you ever need any help with anything, don't be afraid to ask me. We go way back. I'd go through fire for Garrus...same for you" I nodded with a serious tone. I saw her eyes squint a little. It looked as it her cheeks were pushing up under her eyes...maybe smiling.

"Thank you Shepard...I really appreciate it"

"You don't have to call me that. Call me Dave or David" I smiled back to her.

"Oh...okay, Thank you...David" She said with what sounded like a really nervous voice. It was weird yet great hearing Tali say my first name, but the moment vanished when an earth shattering thud slammed against the table beside me. Tali jumped along with me. The huge leg of meat was resting on the table.

Grunt then swiveled over the bench beside me.

"Battlemaster" He smirked, lifting the leg.

"Grunt" I nodded to him, stifling a nervous chuckle. He looked over at Tali, tilting his big crested head, his blue eyes gleaming.

"Quarian" He said, flaring his teeth at the succulent meat before him.

"It's Tali'Zorah! Oh what is that...leg?" She seemed disgusted by the large cooked limb.

"It's Varren Leg, a krogan delicacy. Shepard got it for me on Tuchanka" He smirked to me, shoving my arm with his big shoulder. I chuckle to Tali, who was probably raising an eyebrow at me.

"He earned it with passing his Rite of Passage. Our little Krogan has a clan now" I cackled, punching his arm as hard as I could. He gave his same signature laugh and barely shrugged. It was like punching a slab of concrete.

"He-He-He. Thanks Battlemaster. At last I have kin and many enemies to disembowel" He raised the leg and flared his teeth, mouth open. Before he could bite, Tali interrupted, making him close his jaws.

"Rite of Passage?" Tali asked. "Like a Pilgrimage?"

"No, more of a "kill things, hit a button then kill bigger things...then a Thresher Maw" sort of deal" I explain, as if it's the sort of thing you can knock out before breakfast. Tali leaned forward, eyes wide in her mask. The straw fell from her helmet, as if from an ajar mouth.

"A Thresher Maw?" She asked with a stutter.

Grunt laughed as he nodded. "That was a great day"

I laughed, reminiscing that battle. "Remember the kill shot on that Thresher Maw, Cain drawn and boom!" I shouted, arms spread wide mimicking the explosion. Grunt laughed, nodding to me. Tali interrupted us.

"I should leave you and your boyfriend alone Shepard" She chuckled. I beckon her to stay, planting herself back in her seat.

"Grunt and I just love a good fight, that's all" I chuckle. Grunt nods, tearing the cooked flesh from the bone with his teeth.

"So Grunt, why up so early?" I ask him. He shrugged.

"Hungry. You?" I looked at Tali. She mimicked a zipper across her mouth, hidden in the helmet. I smile to her, knowing I gave the information to someone truly loyal. I looked back to the awaiting Grunt, chewing his food.

"Oh I just didn't sleep well that's all. Some nights are like that" I told him, not the truth but he won't care. Grunt nodded, turning back to his Varren meat proving my point. Give a Krogan food, and he'll barely listen to anything.

I looked back to Tali. She was drinking the last of her juice.

"So Tal, you heard anything from the Migrant fleet?" I ask for conversation. She shrugged her shoulders, gulping down the juice.

"No, not for a while. I'm sure they'll want something sooner or later" she said with an upward flick in her voice at the end.

As I scanned the mess hall, more and more people were awakening. I saw Samara walk by a few minutes ago towards the observation deck. Thane was up and meditating at a table on his own, just a row over. It was nice to know the day would start soon. I saw Tali looked up over my head at someone. As I glared over my shoulder, I saw Garrus emerge from the Main Battery.

He looked distraught, fire in his eyes. He wobbled slightly in the doorway, uneasy on his feet. He began walking over to us. I was very concerned along with Tali. Grunt? Grunt had food.

Garrus staggered down the steps, eyes still fixed on something he'd seen. it was odd but he seemed paler, if that's possible for a Turian. He slumped into the seat beside me.

"Garrus, you okay? Christ you look like you've seen a ghost" I said to him, Tali just as concerned.

"That's just it Shepard...I did" He sighed. Tali looked at me, and I to her.

"What do you mean?" she asked. I was just as curious. Garrus took a deep inhale as I pat his shoulder.

"Shepard...I've found Sidonis"


	5. Chapter 5: Hunting Fade

It had been several hours since Garrus's information on Sidonis was shared. After eating breakfast listening to his brief and then sat in silence fixed on helping Garrus, We were now dressed head to toe in armor, ready to reach the Citadel, where that traitorous bastard was.

I stood behind Joker's chair, watching us near the Citadel arms, like petals draped over a flower. The purple haze of the space dust swirling around the station was gorgeous, and yet the Citadel harbored many dangerous men and women. It was no safer than Omega. Hell Garrus told me the same about Illium. You take one wrong turn down a dark alley or join the wrong group...it's no safer than that hell hole.

The Citadel was a beauty filled with corruption and bureaucratic crap.

"So, Garrus gonna take that pole out his ass and beat Sidonis to death?" Joker said. I shook my head at his humor.

"Probably... just, stay out of his way, okay? Garrus is more irate than ever, and I can't afford the medical bills for fixing your bones" I joked back. Joker laughed.

"Well we'll forward the bill to Cerberus. They seem to have more than enough"

"Not for long they won't" I chuckle. "Take us in Joker" I said, gently patting his shoulder as I turned and left.

Good guy old Jeff Moreau, though he knows how to grate at you when your mood is bad. Plus he had some real funny jokes lined up for my scars, yeah...real funny.

I looked up to see Garrus, burned and scorched armor still firmly in place and visor over his left eye. I gave a nod. It's not going to be easy for him. Just stay out of his way. We stood by the airlock, waiting to dock.

"Shepard. Thanks" He said, lowering his head.

"For what buddy?" I ask him, not sure what he's thanking me for, this mission?

"This. Helping me. Thank you"

"Thank me when we get him" I snarl. Garrus nodded. His eyes could perfectly convey his emotional damage. He was me, if I was Turian. We were definitely the perfect match for best friends.

"So who's coming with?" Garrus asked me. I shrugged and looked over his shoulder at the galley leading from the CIC to the cockpit. I tilted my head at the guest. He looked and saw.

Tali, no way was she not coming. She was pumping her Scimitar shotgun and sheathing her ankle knife as she arrived.

"Hey Tali" Garrus said in solemn. I looked at her.

"You gonna to be okay leaving Gabby and ken?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yeah, I've got them doing my upgrades while I'm with you. I can always help finish up when we get back" She said, putting her shotgun across the back of her hips. I nodded to her, rubbing my beard. The scars were still glowing bright, slowly stretching along my face, a millimeter an hour or so. I just tried to ignore it.

"Great. Garrus, any plan of action for this?"

"Find Sidonis and kill him" He growled. That worried me, but he had every right to hate this Turian.

EDI suddenly communicated with us, like an omnipotent presence. "Shepard, I recommend talking to C-Sec, same as when you helped Thane. Captain Bailey will be there to answer questions on Fade" I tilt my head in appreciation.

"Thanks EDI. Joker, we docked?"

"Good to go Commander!" He shouted, a thumb up signaled over his leather chair. The door beeped open and we stepped into the decontamination area. As the door shut behind us and we began our cleansing, Tali moaned gently, the thin blue laser wall cleaning us in strides. I looked at her with a chuckle.

"Enjoying a clean are we?" I sarcastically laugh. She snaps her head forward, looking at me.

"I'm a Quarian Shepard, clean is safe...homey. Reminds me of the Flotilla"

"Fair enough" I said to her as the cleansing ceased and the door buzzed open to the Citadel deck. Garrus stormed out first; obviously worried he would miss his chance to get Sidonis.

"You know you asked if I was worried about him." I said to her as we walked out after him.

"Yeah?" She said, watching him barge passed measly Salarians.

"Well I am...this isn't the Garrus I know Tal. Come on"

...

"Sorry sir, our scanner thinks you're dead"

"I know I've been getting it everywhere, it's a pain in the ass!" I snap at the C-Sec guard. But seriously, this is the second time I've been through here and it's done this.

"Sorry for the inconvenience sir" He said as the door opened. I could feel my skin burn, but luckily it past. I walked by him along with Tali and Garrus. The scarred and battered Turian I called my friend approached Bailey.

"Yes?" the C-Sec Captain asked. Imagine it from his point of view. A Scarred to hell Turian, an equally scarred dead human and a Quarian with a shotgun approach you. that's a sight that'll shit you up.

"We need to find someone, goes by the name Fade. He's a local forger" I asked him, pressing my gloved palms on his desk.

Bailey leaned forward "Yeah, I know of him – the Alias, anyway. He's been a thorn in the network division's side for the last year. He works with the Blue Suns" He informed us.

Garrus looked over at him, his face distorted by scars and shadows "Where can we find him?"

Bailey scoffed "If I knew that, he'd be in a cell. Best I can do is put you on the trail" I stood up, crossing my arms and leaning back, weight on my hip.

"There's a warehouse in the Marketplace. Some of Fade's contacts work out of there. Go ask them some questions, gently of course" Bailey reminded us with a smirk and wink.

"Can't promise anything" I snarled, looking over at Garrus.

"Why can't C-Sec find him?" Tali asked, joining the conversation. Bailey leaned back in his chair with a creek.

"Whoever he is, he's damn good at avoiding C-Sec. I think someone on the inside is feeding him information. Well, either that or he has access to our databases and comm channels. I don't know which is worse" Bailey sighed to round off his explanation. "But you're outside C-Sec; maybe you can nail his ass" I look to Tali and Garrus, time to get going.

"I should go" I said, not realizing how often I end sentences with that. Bailey nodded.

"Need anything else, let me know" He continued working away at his desk.

Garrus looked at me. "Shepard, we have a location. Let's go hit em" He snarled. Tali followed me as Garrus walked forward. He was really making me nervous.

...

We reached the Warehouse entrance. A well lit area coated in white light as we neared the door. I caressed my armored thigh, checking for my Phalanx. A sigh of relief exhaled my scarred lip. Luckily it was there. It sprung out and formed. I grasped the grip and nodded to Garrus to hit the door. Tali stood on the other side of the door, ready to breach. The door slid open and we walked in, Pistols lowered when we saw the lack of personnel. Only two Krogan guards, staring at us. I gripped the Phalanx tighter.

Suddenly a rotund Volus walked out from behind some crates. He stood before us, huge Krogan thugs behind him, obviously making him feel in power, seriously? This was Fade?

"Fade? You're not quite how I imagined you" I insulted the little masked ball of suit and flesh.

"Looks can be...deceiving" He huffed and panted. "So...which one of you wants to disappear?" He asked, the Krogan guards, checking their rifles.

Garrus looked dead at him, like a hawk. "I'd rather see you make someone reappear" The Volus backed away, obviously scared of the scarred Turian. He should be nervous of him.

"Ah...that's not the service we provide" He breathed heavily though the breathing apparatus.

Garrus looked at him with fire in his eyes. "Make an exception" He started, gripping his Carnifex and aiming it at the Volus "Just this once"

The Volus snarled at us "Damn it! Quick...shoot them! Shoot them you lumbering mountains!" he shouted at his Krogan thugs. I felt a hissing and wining growing in my ears. It got louder and louder as my rage bubbled at this little cretin. It was like a flash bang was detonated inside my head.

I raised my pistol and fired the phalanx straight through one of the Krogans head, blood spurting out around the cracked crest.

The other backed off, aiming at Garrus. Before he could squeeze the trigger Tali and Garrus engaged firing and dropping the huge beast into a pile with the other. The Volus shielded his face as his guards demised, along with his bravery. Funny thing that. Not so brave without Krogan guards.

The Volus stood cowering. "Oh dear, oh not the face" My aggression calmed and the hissing diminished.

"Shut up! We're looking for someone. A client of yours" I growled at the little whelp. The Volus raised his hand.

"Not mine! I'm not Fade, I just work for him...sort of" The truth spouted from his mouth...well apparatus.

Tali shook her head. "I knew it"

Garrus walked over bending down and crouching on his knee to be eye level with the Volus. "Well maybe you can tell us where to find him" He snarled.

The Volus contact suddenly became very cooperative. "Yes, of course. He's in the factory district. Works out of the old prefab foundry" He whispered as Garrus pressed the barrel of his gun to the Volus's throat. Garrus looked up at me

"I know the place" He growled. The Volus just kept spouting out facts for us, like we had hit an oil well of information.

"Uh, he's got a lot of mercs there...Blue Suns, Harkin thinks their protecting him" Garrus and I were both struck with wide eyes.

"Whoa wait, Harkin? Harkin's Fade?"

"Yeah, he got fired from C-Sec a while ago. But he still knows the systems" The Volus explained. Tali and I looked at Garrus. His eyes twitched. "Harkin"

"Interesting, but it changes nothing. We still need to find him before we can get to Sidonis" Garrus tells me.

After a nod, I start turning to the door "Well, let's go pay Harkin a visit"

"We need to go to the transit station, I can get us to him from there" Garrus promised. Meanwhile the Volus got itchy feet, dancing around slightly "So...so I can go?" He asked. Garrus shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure, but if we don't find Harkin, we'll be back for you" he said, aiming his pistol from the hip, along with me, just installing some fear, keep em in line. Tali unsheathed her shotgun, really frightening the Volus.

The Volus's shoulders dropped. "Oh...good" he sighed, walking away behind the crates again.

I snap my head towards the door. "Let's go"

...

After around an hour of sky car travel, combined with over half an hour of combat against LOKI Mechs, god I hate those things, we were cornering Harkin.

Earlier Garrus and I had an argument, about how tense he was becoming. He was getting angry and frustrated with Harkin. I can understand his anger though. If we lose Harkin, we lose Sidonis, so I took it on the chin, knowing he meant none of it.

I watched as Tali clambered up over some crates, kicking the head off of a Mech's shoulders. The white painted head skimmed the metal ground, spark scraping. I don't think I'd ever seen Tali do that: Volley a head. Don't underestimate her. Never seen someone looks so attractive while wielding a shotgun.

I aimed up and saw the huge sight of an YMIR Mech. The clamps released it and it dropped, slamming against the ground. The legs folded up and it stood facing us, arm cannons raised. Garrus finished two mercs with his Vindicator. He looked up after hearing me holler the name YMIR. He ducked behind the crates, along with Tali on my left.

"Go for the optics Chitika! Go for the Optics!" Tali cried as she activated her beloved purple drone. The spherical drone loomed forward towards the stomping Mech, blasting it with electrical beams. I looked at Tali, I need a plan.

"Tali!" I shouted, getting her attention. "Hit it with an overload! Drain the shields!" I looked to Garrus. "Garrus hit the knees with a concussion round!" He nodded back. We had a plan. I actually had a flash back of Ilos, fighting through Geth forces with my two best friends, hunting the monstrous Saren...the end of the line for him...for Sovereign. I snapped back as an explosion echoed behind me. The Mech's cannon hissed to cool, giving us our chance.

In perfect synchronization, Tali hit it with an Overload, destroying the shields. Garrus aimed up while it was distracted, hitting the knees with the concussion round, dropping it to the floor. The head looked up at me. The cannon ceased it's hissing and aimed at me. I peered up at a cable runner, holding a sharp metal plate. As it came racing overhead, I had one chance. I aimed up with my Vindicator, squinting my eye and firing at the couplings, the claws detached and shattered, dropping the serrated metal towards the ground below. I lunged back as the Mech stood up. The massive metal knife like plate slammed down on the Mech, slicing it clean in two with an earth shattering bang.

Slowly it slid apart, the vertical cut revealed. The circuitry and pistons severed and vomiting sparks. The dead Mech dropped to the ground and we continued to Harkin.

...

Harkin hid in his office, overlooking the massive complex in the foundry, a trail of blood and decapitated Mechs leading to him. We were nearing the entrance, careful, cautious as not to startle him. I could see through the open door him fumbling around for a sight of us through the window. Tali and I crouched around the door frame as Garrus turned and went another route. He didn't even tell me, he just left. Come on Garrus, don't pull this shit.

Tali nodded at me and I stood walking in, startling Harkin. He backed away as Tali and I aimed Phalanx's at him, the red lasers dancing on his chest. He began running to another door.

"Almost got me Shepard!" He celebrated. Too early if you ask me. The door opened and Garrus hit him in the face with the butt of his Vindicator. Okay Garrus I take it back, nice tactic.

He immediately threw the rifle at Tali, catching it...just, having to drop her phalanx on the floor with a bang. That threw her off and was completely out of line. I pat her back gently and took it from her grasp. I placed it on the counter, as Garrus slammed Harkin against the wall with a thump that made my back ache. After picking up her Phalanx for her, I returned to the problem at hand: Harkin.

"So Fade...couldn't make yourself disappear huh?" Garrus snarled. Harkin had blood streaming from one nostril from what I could see.

"Come on Garrus – we can work this out. Whaddaya need?" He asked, inches from Garrus's stern exterior and choking on his wrist across his throat. Garrus, to my surprise released him, stepping away and looking out over the foundry we'd just fought through.

"I'm looking for someone" He said. Tali and I knew to but out of this...for now. Harkin chuckled, dusting off his hands.

"Well I guess we both have something the other one wants" by the time he'd finished that sentence; Garrus had stormed back and rammed his knee into Harkins bollocks. That'll teach him. I did get a kick out of this, watching that scummy low life get what's coming to him...but if Garrus gets carried away, I'll have to step in.

He fell on the floor coughed, cupping his balls. That did make me smirk I'll admit.

"That had to hurt Harkin" I said, Garrus nodding slightly.

"You don't say" He spat on the floor near my boots.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear, I need to find him" Garrus growled. Harkin rubbed the back of his neck.

"Might need more information than that"

"His name was Sidonis. Turian, came from-"

"I know who he is, I ain't telling you squat" Harkin said. Kinda unsettled me that Garrus said "_was"_ instead of "_is"_ for Sidonis' name.

"That so" Garrus growled. I looked at him as he gazed at me.

"Shepard, he won't talk...I may need to loosen his tongue" he said popping his knuckles against his palm. I agreed, but limited Garrus to only necessary violence. He nodded, thanking me. He then immediately looked to Harkin, and swiftly punched him across the jaw, knocking him out cold.

"Shepard, help me prop him up in this chair, use those cables to tie him up. I need to go a little...Archangel on him. Don't try to stop me, I know what I'm doing" Garrus ordered. I surrendered my argument.

"Sure, just don't kill him okay?"Garrus nodded at me and awaiting Harkins awakening, what did my friend have in store and would I have to intervene?


	6. Chapter 6: Eye for an eye

"Fade" awoke slowly, his bruised eyes opening. He moaned as he realized he was in the dark, strapped to a chair. He suddenly saw Garrus's face before his focusing vision.

"Wake up Harkin. I need you focused" Garrus snarled, slamming two nails, one in each in hand into Harkin's knees. A loud puncture of skin sounded, followed by Harkin's scream of pain.

I sat in the corner letting Garrus work. I winced slightly but let him carry on, as long as it got results. Come on Harkin, just talk.

Harkin panted, trying to calm the fierce pain in his legs. Garrus stood up, his Vindicator still on the table. The window shutter was lowered, making the room dark, and Garrus seem darker. Tali was leaning up against the wall next to me. We were both uneasy about this side of Garrus, but kept out of his way...for now.

"So Harkin, do you know how hot a spent thermal clip can get?"

"What...no you crazy bastard" he spat. Garrus opened the side of his Vindicator with a click, the room filling with a slight orange glow. He picked up a pair of large pliers and picked the spent thermal clip from the guns chamber. He lifted it gently, rotating it in his palm, carefully to use the pliers to hold it and not his hands. The orange glow form the hot shell illuminating the morphing shadows on his face.

"They can reach up to four hundred Fahrenheit. Metal only needs to be one hundred and forty Fahrenheit to burn skin" Garrus informed him, well all of us. He walked over to Harkin, grabbing the back of his head and leaning his head back, hovering the glowing hot clip over Harkin's face.

"Now, all I need is you to contact Sidonis and set up a meeting" Garrus ordered. He winced as he could feel the heat from the thermal clip.

"Running out of time Harkin!" Garrus roared as the shell got nearer to his face.

"Okay! Okay! Please stop!" He begged. Garrus, to my relief pulled it away. More proof that he was still deep down the heroic Garrus I knew. I sighed relief and stood up from my crate. Garrus dropped the shell in the corner of the dark room, the orange glow diminishing slowly as it began to cool.

Harkin sighed and inhaled, cooling his hot fear. I walked over as Garrus reassembled his vindicator, popping a new clip in.

"I'll do it...I'll set up a meeting for you" Garrus walked over, cutting his ties and letting him go.

"Terminus really changed you huh Garrus?" He slammed his palm on his shoulder, pushing him down in his chair.

"No but Sidonis...opened my eyes. Now arrange the meeting" Garrus snarled. He hauled Harkin up, as he peered at the terminal in the corner. He looked back at Garrus, who simply tilted his head at the terminal.

"I'm going" Harkin growled, walking, no...limping past us, nails sticking out of his knees, every step forming fire in his muscles. He reached out, leaning against the terminal. He activated it, contacting the Turian. He took a deep sigh before opening the link.

"Yeah, it's me. There's a chance your Identity may be compromised" Harkin explained. Garrus examined his pistol in his palm.

"That's why I'm calling. I'm sending an agent. Where do you want to meet?" Harkin asked the faceless monitor.

"All right, he'll be there. Don't worry – I got it covered" Harkin closed the communication, shaking his head, closing his eyes and sighing.

Garrus looked at him, Harkin struggling to stand.

"It's all good. He wants to meet you in front of Orbital lounge. Middle of the day" Harkin said, like he was doing us a favor. We were the ones doing him a favor, though by Garrus's expression said he had another "favor" for Harkin.

"So if our business is done, I'll be going?" He said, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. Garrus grasped his shirt, pulling right up to him, eyes inches apart.

"I don't think so. You're a criminal now Harkin"

"So what, you going to kill me? That ain't your style Garrus" Harkin taunted the beast. I prayed that Harkin was right.

A long moment feeling like hours, of staring at Harkin past.

"Kill you? No, but I don't mind slowing you down a little" Before I could act, Garrus had planted a bullet into Harkin's thigh. He screamed in pain, clutching the wound.

"Ah! You bastard!"

"Goes well with the nails" Garrus snarled.

I stepped forward. "Garrus, you didn't have to do that, he can't hide from C-Sec now" Garrus looked at me like I had insulted his sister.

"That's rich Shepard. What about that little interrogation you pulled with Thane huh? What about that Asari you killed with Samara, huh? You never bat an eyelid at them, but as soon as it comes to me, you try to stop me? Why?" He roared. I staggered back from him, releasing his thrashing wrist.

"I asked you why!"

"Because I don't want to lose you!" I bellowed back, fists clenched to my side. Garrus recoiled, with a gulp.

"What?" He asked me with a stutter.

"I don't want to see you fall into this pit of darkness. You're walking down a slippery slope...I don't want you to slip and fall down it" I metaphorically said.

"Shepard...I'm fine"

"No you're not! Look at this" I said, pointing at the squirming Harkin on the ground. "You beat him within an inch of his life. You shot his leg and threatened to burn his skin off. I've done bad stuff...stuff I regret. Stuff that saw me thrown in prison for nearly eight years" I explained. Tali exhaled in shock at the news. So did Garrus, who never knew about my prison sentence after Pa died.

"Prison?" Tali asked stepping forward. I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"We all make mistakes. Mine just cost me a segment of my life. I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am Tali"

"You are to me" she said quietly...softly. I looked at Garrus.

"Don't lose yourself. It's hard to find yourself later on. Trust me" I said to him. He gently nodded at the sudden information.

"We can have it out later, let's go get to Sidonis" I said, beckoning to the door. Garrus agreed with a stern look.

"Ah my leg you sons of bitches!" Harkin cried out.

"Sidonis best be there..." Garrus said.

"Or we'll be back to finish the job" Garrus finished, forgetting what I'd just said.

...

An hour later, we arrived via Sky car outside the orbital lounge, overlooking the meeting place. We dropped the car down aloft a tall overlooking tower. Garrus shook his head.

"Harkin's a bloody menace. I respect what you said Shepard but I can't help feeling that we shouldn't have let him go"

"We didn't, remember? I've told C-Sec and they're on their way to get him. He's finished, a long jail time and probably therapy to walk properly again" I gently and nervously chuckle. Garrus doesn't even look at me.

"I'm getting a little worried about you Garrus" I say again, just so he's aware I care. Garrus scoffed and glared at me.

"You don't think he deserved it?" He growled. I looked at him. "Garrus, it's just not like you. Like I said don't lose yourself...please"

He looked away out the window. "What do you want from me Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?" He asked. I didn't have an answer for him.

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me. That happened once" I said, rubbing the scars through my armor. Garrus looked at me. He really looked at me, an expression I'd never seen.

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to Justice if I don't? Nobody cares!" He said with a croak in his voice. I sigh.

"Garrus, I care. Tali cares, all of us care about you!"

"That's not what I meant Shepard" Garrus snarled, looking out the window. "I don't see any other options" He sighed.

"Let me talk to him" I said to him, trying to break through that hard shell of his. Come on Garrus, let us in.

"Talk all you want, but it won't change my mind" He finalized. "I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us...he deserves to die"

I leaned forward in my seat. "I understand what you're going through – but do you really want to kill him?"

I appreciate your concern...but I'm not you" Just as he got up to leave, I grabbed him, hauling back in his seat.

"Garrus, you know why I went to prison?" He looked to me, along with Tali in the back.

"No..."

"When my father died, I vowed to avenge him. My mind was disrupted by anger and emotion" I explained, Garrus and Tali listening to me. "I spent almost two years building myself, training myself, hoping to bump into those thugs again" I sat looking at my palms.

"When I finally found them, I attacked them, fought them. Hit one in the throat so hard he choked on his own windpipe" I explained my dark life that dwarfed my existence. Garrus and Tali stared at me as I told it."I fought the other...the one that killed him. I couldn't believe he'd never been apprehended, never even interviewed about it. It only fueled my anger" Tali reached forward, rubbing my shoulder in comfort.

"Shepard..." She whispered.

"I continued to fight him, ducking under his blade...the same blade he killed Pa with. People screamed for help, thinking I was the bad guy! Me! I disarmed him, snapping his elbow and throwing him to the ground" I explained, my voice getting angrier as I relieved those careless actions. my skin burned and scars began to grow slightly. "Then I did something. Something that would alter my life forever. I dragged him over to the curb and ordered him to bite it" Garrus stared at me in awe, like he couldn't imagine me doing this.

"I lifted my boot in the air, while police ordered me to drop it. Can you believe it? Now they show up! Where were they for Pa! Here they are for him. I stood there, boot in the air, over his cowering head. But I didn't do it. I couldn't. Pa wouldn't want me to. The point I'm trying to make Garrus, is no one deserves to die, At the time I didn't see it, but now? maybe I'm starting to understand. We may have killed people, but have you honestly thought they deserved it? They were following orders, we were defending ourselves to get to our goals. it wasn't like we were out for them in a personal way. they were simply an enemy" Garrus stared at me.

"What about Saren? He deserved it"

"No. He lost himself. We didn't kill him because he deserved it; we killed him because he threatened millions, billions. We saved him. We didn't kill Saren, we killed Sovereign. Saren was long gone by that point"

Garrus sighed "So what, I let him go?"

"No...You get him to confess...apologize and spend the rest of his life in a cell for his crime, okay?"

"I've always hated injustice, the thought that Sidonis could get away with this? Why should he go on living while ten good men lay in unmarked graves?" Garrus snarled in emotional distress, but I knew just what to say.

"Because then he can live with his guilt for the rest of his days. He can see their faces every time he blinks. That's why" I felt proud with that statement, but it simply fell from Garrus's brow.

"I'm sorry Shepard, but this is something you can't solve with words" he sighed "I need to set up" He ended the conversation, opening the door and getting out of the sky car. I sighed in defeat as my argument fell on deaf ears. He slammed the door down, shutting it. He watched as we lifted off and flew down to land the car. Tali leaned forward.

"Shep...David?" She said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah Tal?"

"That's why you're the hero people think you are" she said with what sounded like a smile.

"Why?"

"You could have killed them, but you didn't. You could have seen yourself become the villain, but instead you remained the hero. I'm proud of you"

"I still went to prison Tal"

"Yeah...but you could have been there longer, had you killed them. Either way that is why people love you"

"Thanks Tali...I appreciate it" I smiled back to her in the rear view mirror.

...

I landed the car and Tali clambered out, followed by me. I looked up to see Garrus setting up across the way, sniper rifle aimed. I sighed. I only had one option, but he wouldn't appreciate it.

Tali and I walked around, barging by Turians and humans, the occasional Salarian and Asari. She tapped my shoulder, pointing to a bench. A suspicious looking Turian sat there, staring into his palms. My comm chattered in my ear.

"That's him, that's Sidonis. Wave him over" Garrus ordered. I realized how those hands he was fixed on were stained with innocent blood. I complied, trying to get his attention with my palm raised.

After a while of waving like an idiot, he got up, coming over through the crowd, his blue and red Turian suit blaring through the crowd. We'd never lose him in the crowd. The aged Turian had blue marking on his face, more cyan blue than Garrus's dark blue. As he walked over, I could feel Garrus's scope dancing over him and me.

"You got an idea?" Tali asked me. I shook my head.

"I...I've got one, but Garrus won't like it. let's see how it goes, hang back Tali, just in case okay?" She complied with me, leaning against the wall. I saw him and we met.

"Let's get this over with" he greeted. I stood there, not sure what to do.

"You're in my shot, move to the side" Garrus told me. I complied for now.

"This won't take long at all" I said to him, Sidonis stared at me.

"You one of Harkin's men? I don't remember seeing you before" He talked with me. I could not believe that this traitor was stood before me. Days ago I would have been happy to let Garrus kill him, but I couldn't let him fall further into his pit. Not my buddy, I can't let him see himself become the villain.

"That's it, just keep him talking a few more seconds" Garrus told me. I was running out of time.

"I was told Harking was one of the best, this better not happen again" Sidonis snarled. Ah screw it, I'm out of time.

"Listen Sidonis, I'm here to help you" I said, not understanding the method in my madness. Forgive me Garrus. Sidonis leaned forward, eyes wide.

"Don't ever say that name aloud" he stuttered, checking over his shoulders.

"I'm a friend of Garrus" I could see his body freeze and his eyes widen. "He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary"

"Garrus, is this some kind of joke?" Sidonis growled.

"Damn it Shepard, if he moves I'm taking the shot!" Garrus roared. Sidonis heard the communicator. He recognized the voice.

"You're not kidding are you?" Sidonis asked, panic in his voice. "Screw this; I'm not waiting around here to find out! Tell Garrus I had my own problems"

I grabbed his wrist pulling him back. "Don't move" I snarled.

"Get off me!" He snarled, obviously scared to death of Garrus.

"I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head" I growled at him, the scar on my cheek itching. Why was I helping this monster? Oh yeah, for Garrus, not him. Calm down Shepard. I took several deep inhales and my skinned cooled. Having Tali nearby helped, remembering what she said about me in the car.

Sidonis lowered his head "Fuck" He looked up, eyes scanning everywhere for a glimpse of hidden Garrus. "Look...I didn't want to do it..I didn't have a choice"

Garrus was watching, I knew it. "Everyone has a choice" he snarled.

"Didn't have a choice? Everyone has a choice Sidonis!" I roared at him, speaking for Garrus. He put both his palms on his head before me, voice cracking.

"They got to me! Said they'd kill me if I didn't help, what was I supposed to do?" I could see...tears forming in his Turian eyes, Him?

Garrus's voice returned "Let me take the shot Shepard, he's a damn coward!" I couldn't, not yet. Garrus needed to hear more, even if he didn't want to.

"That's it? You were just trying to save yourself? You aren't worth ten men! Ten brave men who lost out on living, because of you" I growled.

Sidonis sighed, walking out of my line, so Garrus could see him; I tried to shield him with my head. Lucky we were around the same height. "I know what I did. I know they died because of me. I have to live with that...for the rest of my life" He leaned against a railing, looking down as tears dripped down his tough skin. "I wake up every night...sick...and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me...accusing me"

I was seriously hoping Garrus could hear this confession. I looked up out of the corner of my eye. By the looks of it the sniper rifle was lowered slightly.

"I'm already a dead man, I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I want it to be over" He sighed as he stuttered. Garrus growled in my ear.

"Just give me the chance"

"You've got to let it go Garrus. He's already paying for his crime" I said to Garrus via the communicator.

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life" Garrus hissed. I pointed at the Turian, hoping Garrus was watching.

"Look at him Garrus! He's not alive... there's nothing left to kill. He did that himself"

"My men...they deserved better" Garrus choked.

Sidonis looked at me. "Tell Garrus...I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right"

I could see Garrus lift his head from the scope.

"You know what?" Sidonis said, crying. "I want it to be over!" He ran past me into the opening, totally at Garrus's mercy.

"Kill me Garrus! Please! End my misery, please!"Sidonis cried, startling walking pedestrians. I begged and pleaded to myself, hoping to not see his head explode and drop to the floor. After several minutes of Sidonis' emotional breakdown...he was still breathing. He dropped to his knees, crying into his palms. "Every time I close these eyes...there they are!" He sniffled. I walked over, seeing Garrus was gone. A sigh of relief sounded from my lips. Yes.

"Garrus has given you second chance, Sidonis. Don't waste it" I warn, hauling the sniveling, guilt damaged Turian to his feet. He calmed himself enough to speak.

"I'll try, Garrus. I'll make it up to you, somehow" He looked at me, wiping away his tears. "Thank you...for talking to him" I nod, hoping Garrus was truly out of sight. Tali walked over, hooking her hand around my wrist.

"Come on, we've got to go" She said, as Sidonis walked away.

...

I landed the sky car on Garrus's tower. I was a little uneasy as he stormed over to us. Maybe he wanted to get out of sight quickly, or he was going to kill me, either way this was about to end.

I opened it up and stepped out to greet him. He lunged forward to me.

"I know you want to talk about this, but I don't...not yet" He snarled, piercing blue eyes beaming at me.

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best" I explained, watching him pace. Please don't let me lose my loyal best friend.

"I'm not so sure" He sighed.

"Give it time" I comforted him. He stood there, thinking it over.

"Yeah, maybe that'll be enough. I want to know I did the right thing, not just for me – but for my men" He confided in me. "They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was stood crying out in my sights...I couldn't do it. You were right, he was already dead"

"The lines between good and evil blur when we're looking at people we know" I said to him. He nodded.

"Yeah, there was still good in him...I could see it. It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray? I don't know what to do with gray" I pat his shoulder.

"You've got to go with your instincts" I said.

"Shepard, my Instincts is what it got me into this mess" I chuckle to him.

"Well, mine nearly got me to kill someone. You just have to question them every now and then, but now? You did the right thing now. Don't be too hard on yourself...okay buddy?" I smiled to him, testing the water.

"Thanks Shepard. For everything" He smiled to me. "Let's get going, I need some distance from this place"

"I'm with you" I say, following him to the car. "Though if C-Sec asked what happened to Harkin? I've never met you" I chuckled. Garrus scoffed, shaking his head.

"There's my old friend" I smiled as the sky car lifted sat quietly for a while, just taring out the window at the Zakera ward below.

"Hey Shepard. I have a question. The guy whose windpipe you punched...did he live?"

I sighed "yeah, both of them did...I was charged with grievous bodily harm, and they were never convicted with Pa's death. life ain't fair" I sighed, the scar on my left cheek ripping more and the right one stretching out to other scars. that was one long day, but the next few days were going to be tough.


	7. Chapter 7: A shocking discovery

It had been three days since Garrus's retribution attempt. In that time I'd solved Jacob's father issues, Kasumi's graybox had been returned and installed new armor and shield upgrades to the Normandy. We need to be ready for everything the Collectors throw at us.

I stood before my mirror, the time being six in the morning. A bit later than last night: Three, three I woke up, its bullshit. Cold sweat dripping off me as I shook my head, scrambling my nightmare stained brain. My skin was burning all over. Red glowing scars were worse. A lot worse. My left cheek now had a grid like pattern of connected scars and ripped skin. The right was nearly as bad, but less scarred. The forehead featured a long stretch of thin dissolved skin, red interior gleaming bright. I pulled my eyelid up slightly, seeing the eye itself. A faint red glowing build up was forming behind the iris, same for the other eye. A deep inhale and I head to the shower.

A few minutes later I emerge from the shower, beard still damp and hair flat and cold. Ah the cold was a nice feeling in the morning. Well, most of my mornings. Thick bags were under my eyes, proving my sleepless nights. I wiped myself dry with the towel as I looked over my body in the mirror. Red scars were starting to form where ever. One went along my shoulder blade and arched up to my shoulder itself. I gently dabbed myself dry and threw the towel in the hamper.

I walked out, boxers in place and grabbed my off duty Cerberus clothes. A few minutes of applying it to my sore skin and I was ready to go out to the deck. I ruffled my fringe and added some water to style it best I could, but the beard? It stayed for now. I sighed, rubbing my eyes and walked over to my boots, shoving them on my socked feet and tied the laces. It was time to go out there and get some Breakfast, leave my memory haunted cabin.

...

I stepped out into the elevator and made my way to the crew deck. It was half six, which hopefully meant people were up. I shrugged my shoulders and arched my back, bone clicking, popping and crackling out.

The door beeped and I arrived, overlooking the crew deck. I was greeted immediately by Thane. He nodded his head to me, hand behind his back as he made his way back to life support, or as we called it, Thane's den. I nodded back, patting his shoulder with a smile. Luckily over the last few days, people had come to terms and got over my scars, ignoring them completely, after some awkward questioning. I looked around the busy mess hall for Garrus or Tali. Garrus was stood talking to Rupert, dextro coffee in one hand and a smile on his face. He saw me and nodded mid chuckle, tilting his glass to me.

Thankfully, after a few days he saw that killing Sidonis would be wrong, and that I was right about it being a slippery slope between good and evil. Good to know our friendship was solid. I smiled back with a nod to him, still looking for Tali.

"Engineering!" I heard a familiar Turian voice shout. I looked at him with a head shake and roll of my eyes. He winked at me and returned to talking with Rupert. Thanks Garrus, not sure everyone heard you. Oh well, breakfast can wait. As I turned I saw Ken and Gabby sat at a table, munching their breakfast and, yep that's right...arguing.

So Tali's on her own. Cool, conversation time. I head back to the elevator, walking by Samara with a smile to her and a friendly "Good morning Shepard" from her to me. as I reached the elevator I thought about how close Tali and I were now. Before I could go down though, I was met with Miranda, dressed this time...if you'd call her outfit dressed.

"Miranda, what's up?" I asked. She seemed like she was having difficulty telling me. Oh please tell me everyone's alright. Is it my scars? Spit it out women!

"Miranda?" I asked again. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, surprisingly holding Tali. I didn't notice her though when Miranda told me the news.

"Shepard. We've found the Normandy SR1 crash site" She said to me with solemn. I staggered from the news slightly. They'd found what should be my grave. Tali gasped, making me notice her.

"Tali" I managed. She saw my face, the emotion, and the scars. This was going to test me, test all my being.

"The Illusive man wants to talk to you about it" Miranda said, offering her hand to the elevator. Tali saw me as I nodded and entered the elevator. Miranda clutched her data pad to her chest, looking at me as the doors closed.

"I'm so sorry Commander"

I stood in the elevator just staring at the door, struggling to remember it. How is that possible? How can I not remember the ship? How can I not remember its appearance? I know of the event but lack the memories.

"Tali...I...I don't remember anything about the SR1. What did it look like?" I asked.

"Keelah Shepard. Is your memory of it that broken?" She asked me.

"I guess so. I can only remember thing before stopping Saren and shortly after, anything nearer is...well"

The elevator opened and I stepped out towards the briefing room.

"Tali...I'll speak to you later" I said, as I left her. She nodded wringing her hands, sending the elevator back up. I walked by Mordin, ignoring his muffled Chattering, only patting his shoulder. When he saw my face, he fell silent, letting me by.

I entered the briefing room, taking a deep sigh as the table retracted into the floor and the room began to scan me.

I stepped forward and saw a hologram of The Illusive man, overlooking a huge amber sun, arching behind his seat. He had a cigarette burning away between his fingers. He took a drag and looked at me with his bright blue patterned eyes. He exhaled the smoke and gazed at me, tapping the cigarette, ash falling into the tray on his chair's arm.

"Shepard, the Alliance recently made a discovery" He stopped talking as he grasped his glass of whisky and sipped it back, gliding down his gullet. He lowered the glass to his armrest "They have found the remains of the Normandy SR1. I thought you would be interested in reviewing the crash site before the Alliance gets a hold of it"

I shake my hands, dusting off his proposition "No way. I don't need that stress"

"Shepard, we need you and your team at their best. You have done wonders for them, but you have demons that need putting to rest. I believe the answer to that, lies in searching these remains, reconnecting your memories. Don't tell me you aren't intrigued?" The Illusive man asked, dragging on his cigarette, the tip glowing amber orange.

He was right though, I was intrigued. Maybe if I can jolt back some memories, I can, make sense of some of these other nightmares I've been having; Ones of fire enveloping me while I choke in a helmet with no air. It makes no sense. I know I died on that ship, but I need to see it for myself.

"Alright, I'll go. Maybe clear my head of the past" I fumbled. He nodded. I butt in before he can finish.

"But I get to choose who comes with me. I don't want Miranda or Jacob there. Only Garrus and Tali, people who've been on that ship"

"Oh course. It makes sense to bring those who can help jog your memories."

"Okay...let's do it" I said, crossing my scarred arms.

"Excellent. I'll send Mr Moreau the location, and Shepard. Keep wary of the Collectors. They'll be watching you"

The hologram disappeared as quickly as it arrived, and like that it was over, a quick gab with The Illusive man. I shook my head at this whole event and walked out of the room as the table rose from the floor.

...

I finally reached the mess hall and everyone stared at me. I had enough of it, People staring. I don't care if they were worried I hate being stared at, silently judging me, analyzing me.

"What?" I snarled. Everyone immediately looked back down at their plates, talking to one another, the volume growing slightly. I shake my head and make my way to the farthest table where I find Garrus and Tali chatting, laughing. To my surprise Kasumi is there too.

"Hey guys" I sigh, sitting beside Tali. Garrus stopped chuckling as he looked to me.

"Hey Shepard, Kasumi was just telling us about your little Hock heist. Is it true that to shut him up, you shot and destroyed a priceless vase from Sur'Kesh?" Garrus laughed. I shrug and chuckle.

"He wouldn't shut up, so I shot it" I laugh, joined by Tali and Garrus. Kasumi looked at me and I nod.

"Hey Shep, how you feeling? Tali told us about the Normandy crash site" Kasumi said in her comforting tone. Tali looked at me with her purple hazed eyes.

"Yeah, sounds rough. What's going to happen?" Garrus asked me. I once again shrug my shoulders.

"I just talked with the Illusive man. We're heading down there, says I need to straighten myself out. Maybe he's right; maybe I can sort out some of these dreams from looking around it"

"Are you going alone?" Tali asked as she finished her breakfast of porridge. I shook my head gently.

"Actually...I was wondering if you two would come. No offence Kasumi, just these guys were with me on that ship" she raised her palms.

"None taken Shep, best you take them. I'd get lost probably"

"Yeah well, so will I. I don't remember much of that ship at all" I sighed, hands on the back my head.

"Nothing, I mean we talked about Ilos the other day?" Garrus asked, gesturing with his hand.

"I remember all that, just not the Normandy. It's really odd. So, will you guys come with me?"

"Shepard, of course. We'll back you whenever you need us" Tali said to me. I gave her a gentle, one armed hug.

"Thanks. Love you guys" I smile at her and Garrus, who nodded back. As I released Tali, Kasumi stands up.

"Well, I'll leave you guys be. Catch up later Shep. Tali, I'll be waiting to chat with you after your mission" she winked. God knows what that was about. Tali nodded, shooing her. "Later Garrus!" Kasumi shouted as she walked off, Tali and Garrus turning and looking at me.

"So what's the lay of the land?" Garrus asked.

"Well it looks like it split into two segments, the main hull and the cockpit. What happened in the cockpit? Ah never mind, we need to just get in, retrieve some dog tags, jog my memory and leave" I said to them. They simply nodded, standing by me, the loyal friends that they are.

"So when are we going?" Garrus smirked.

"We should be there in an hour or so. You itching to see it Garrus?"

"A bit, yeah. Maybe see if I can get some dog tags from the wreck...if they survived"

I nodded in his direction. "Yeah...sounds fun" I sighed, rubbing the brow of my eyes. They could hear the tremble in my sigh; even I felt it, reverberating up my throat.

"I need to get my stuff ready. See you at the airlock in an hour or so" I said shortly, getting up violently quickly.

"You not going to eat?" Garrus shouted after me.

"Not hungry" Was all I could muster. I had too much in my mind, yet not enough at the same time. Worrying about the lack of memories and what I'd find down there. If it was worth remembering.


End file.
